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What It’s Like To Watch FOX News For 24 Straight Hours

I start to count the number of different Blonde FOX Ladies. I soon find this to be an impossible task. They cannot be distinguished. Then there’s more news about wildfires, a repeat of the lightbulbs-will-kill-you report, and a story on a suspicious package found at a mall.

After about six continuous hours of this, I can no longer deal with it. I break my pledge, I go out for a sandwich. The sense of relief is tremendous. It feels good to breathe the air once more, to be back in reality. The worst thing about FOX is not its bias, but the “panic mode” that it seems to live in. Everything is a catastrophe. Immigrants will get you. Lightbulbs will get you. Wildfires will get you. Jesse Jackson will cut your nuts off.

Greta Van Susteren introduced one of her news stories this way: “It’s real, it’s terrifying. All the horrible details coming up next.” And I think that captures the FOX philosophy fairly well. The message of the network seems to be “It’s a scary world out there. You’re going to need a gun and some deep-seated prejudice if you’re going to make it out alive.”

Last updated on Wednesday, July 16, 2008