a Christmas tale of two trees
Christmas night at TWD World Headquarters, rain and fog.
Yes, it's a weird lookin' tree, but we like it. We bought it as a live Christmas tree about seven years ago. Afterwards we planted it in the front yard, where it just gets weirder by the year.
Speaking of weird trees, we were a bit late in the Christmas tree shopping this year, and learned a lesson with a vengeance: never, ever, buy a tree after dark.
See the nice tree? See the pretty color? Nice tree. But what's it doing lying on the lawn?
It's on its way to a dirt nap, that's what. We bought it in Pickerington on Wednesday night. It seemed very fresh, and the trunk looked straight. But it was, as I said, dark.
When we finally got around to putting it up on Friday night, however, we discovered the trunk to be twisted in a remarkable s-curve, so once in the stand it stood at about a 70 degree angle to the floor. Not good.
Worse was to come. After a few minutes, we also noticed that the tree was exuding an odd aroma, a cross between kerosene and paint, and that the needles not only wouldn't break, but wouldn't even bend. On the other hand, several small branches came off easily and appeared to be very dry. Curioser and curioser.
Finally we took a very close look and discovered that the entire tree had been painted with some awful green goop. Some greedhead had painted an elderly, brown Christmas tree green and sold it to us. For $30. I had even tipped the creep.
We spent a good ninety seconds staring at the Frankentree with our jaws agape, whereupon I grasped the monstrosity by its painted green trunk, marched it to the back door, and flung it across the lawn (screwing up my back in the process, by the way).
So there we were on the day before Christmas Eve with no tree. Fortunately, Kathy did some quick thinking and found a Lowe's about 20 miles away that was giving away its last six trees, so we jumped in the car, roared over there and snagged a nice, unpainted, free tree.
The kittens, of course, are convinced that we got it for them.