mommy, why are the giraffe's eyes glowing?
The Satanic Petting Zoo is a popular destination and features a variety of possessed, but safely sedated, animals.
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August 31, 2006
feeding frenzy
Night falls and the crowd goes wild as the thin veneer of civilization dissolves before their ravening lust for saturated fats.
The stand at left apparently sells tiny Christmas trees fried in butter.
gee, I guess the sky really was falling.
The ritual immolation of the chickens.
got any with cheese?
The most popular food booth, after the corn pavillion, may be the handmade doughnut one. It's not unusual to see visitors waddle away bearing three or four dozen in plastic boxes.
Across the way is the stand selling funnel cakes, a deep-fried confection I suspect was named though a misspelling of "funeral."
not a manatee in sight
One of the nice things about the festival is that almost all the booths are run by charitable organizations or school support groups, e.g., the band boosters. Alcohol sales and personal pets are not allowed, which cuts down on the drunken ferret problem that so often plagues these events.
meanwhile
The Millersport Sweet Corn Festival has arrived.
This takes place, as you may have guessed, in the American Sector of Millersport.
In the background is the famed watertower in town from which we (on a good day) derive our wireless internet access.
Look Around You
Via Metafilter, extremely funny BBC parodies of 70s science-intruction films.
"But what is water? It's a difficult question because water is impossible to describe. One might ask the same about birds. What are birds? We just don't know."
August 30, 2006
painter of crap caught in faith-based scam
FBI Investigates Popular Artist Kinkade
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) -- The FBI is investigating artist Thomas Kinkade and company executives over allegations that they fraudulently induced investors to open galleries, then ruined them financially, a newspaper reported Tuesday.Relying on information from former Kinkade dealers contacted by federal agents, the Los Angeles Times reported that the FBI is focusing on issues raised in litigation brought by at least six former Thomas Kinkade Signature Gallery owners.
At least 10 former dealers nationwide have alleged in arbitration claims that the ''Painter of Light'' -- a California native beloved by some but reviled by the art establishment -- exploited his Christianity to persuade people to invest in the galleries, which sell only Kinkade's work.
After they had invested tens of thousands of dollars each, the ex-owners said, the company's policies drove them out of business. They say they were saddled with limited-edition prints no one wanted to buy, forced to open stores in inappropriate venues and undercut by discount galleries peddling the same items at prices they couldn't match.
Some also say Kinkade -- who claims to be the most widely collected living U.S. artist -- schemed to devalue his public company, Media Arts Group Inc., so he could buy it on the cheap. In 2004, Kinkade and other investors paid $32.7 million to take Media Arts Group private, changing its name to Thomas Kinkade Co.
''These dealers became investors primarily because they were believers in faith, love, family and God, and the paintings reflect those values,'' said Joseph Ejbeh, a Michigan attorney who tried an arbitration case that began in San Francisco in December 2004.
Kinkade Co. spokesman Jim Bryant said the Morgan Hill, Calif.-based company was unaware of an FBI investigation.
''We assert that there are no legitimate grounds for a federal investigation of any kind,'' Bryant said in a statement e-mailed to The Associated Press.
FBI agent Brian Wickham did not return a phone call Tuesday from the AP.
Kinkade's paintings typically include tranquil scenes of country gardens, churches, streams and lighthouses in dewy morning light. Many contain images from Bible passages.
Roughly 10 million Americans have a Kinkade painting at home. The wall hangings and spin-off products are said to fetch $100 million a year.
For more on Kinkade's sleazy shtick, see this. I dissed Kinkade's wretched oeuvre in a column a few years ago and never heard the end of it from his fans. Hey, folks, I'm not the one pissing on Winnie the Pooh.
August 29, 2006
Ma! The AOL done shot itself again!
Anti-Spyware Group Targets AOL 9.0 As 'Badware' - Internet News by InformationWeek
An anti-spyware group on Monday slapped AOL's client software with a "badware" label, and told users to avoid installing the program because it "adds software without disclosure" and "interferes with computer use."Stopbadware.org, a non-profit group headed by Harvard University and Oxford University, and backed by Google, Sun, and Lenovo, blasted AOL 9.0 for the kind of deceptive installation practices usually reserved for adware and spyware. In the past, Stopbadware.org has limited itself to pegging such dangerous programs as the file-sharing Kazaa peer-to-peer software, fake anti-spyware scanners, and screensavers bundled with Trojan horses and keyloggers.
According to the group's online alert, it considers the AOL software irresponsible for 8 different reasons, among them that it installs software such as the You've Got Pictures screensaver and ViewPoint Media Player without telling the user, that it adds the AOL toolbar to Internet Explorer without adequate disclosure, and that it fails to uninstall completely.
"We currently recommend that users do not install the version of AOL software that we tested, unless the user is comfortable with the level of risk we identify," the organization concluded in its online report.
AOL 9.0 is the free-of-charge software that the Virginia-based Internet service provider hands out to subscribers for connecting to, and accessing the Internet.
August 26, 2006
very nice. really.
The Code
The Code Linux
Interesting Finnish film (on Google Video) about the origins of Linux (including interviews with Linus Torvalds, left). Finnish subtitles on English interviews, no problem, but also Finnish subtitles on non-English, non-Finnish interviews and no subtitles on Finnish interviews, so parts are hard to parse, but well worth watching.
August 24, 2006
Well, there IS another explanation for that....
Rep. Schmidt's Marathon Ad Questioned - New York Times
[click photo for larger view]
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) -- Republican Rep. Jean Schmidt is fast, capable of running a marathon in 3 hours, 19 minutes, 6 seconds.
At least that's what a photo on the Ohio congresswoman's Web site shows.
No way, says a rival who contends that the picture from the 1993 Columbus Marathon is doctored and complained to state election officials. A four-member commission panel ruled Thursday that there was enough evidence to look into the complaint.
State law prohibits candidates from publishing false statements designed to promote their election.
The photo shows Schmidt near the finish line at the marathon with a time clock showing 3:19:06, which would have made her one of the top finishers. But a newspaper list of the top runners does not include Schmidt, said Nathan Noy, who is seeking to run as a write-in candidate against Schmidt.
Noy said he believes the photo may be fake and suggested that Schmidt never even participated in the event. In the photo, Schmidt doesn't cast a shadow while other runners do.
Joseph Braun, an attorney representing Schmidt, denied that the photograph is fake. He produced what he said was an official race results book, listing Schmidt as the fifth-place finisher in her age group with a time of 3:19:09 -- three seconds slower than the time depicted in the photograph.
The time clock reflects when the photo was taken, not her official time, Braun said.
On her Web site, Schmidt, who is 54, said she has completed 59 marathons. In April, she received a public reprimand from the Ohio Elections Commission for claiming on her Web site that she had two college degrees when she had only one.
science is what I say it is, and I'm a moron
The Hot Issue: Should Pluto be a planet?
45% YES - It's been a planet for 76 years. Why change now?
14% NO - It's not in the same league with the real planets
41% MAYBE - I can't decide which experts to agree with
Reader Comments (1-10 of 29) Click here to vote and comment
Aug 24, 2006 12:11 pm MAYBE -
In the great scheme of things, does it really matter?
Aug 24, 2006 11:58 am YES -
It's too late to backtrack now. These so-called scientists need to find a clue. Rhode Island isn't an island either but are you going to change it now? I believe it's a planet.
Aug 24, 2006 11:52 am YES -
We have been taught since we were told of Pluto is a planet, now they wanted to re-write the history. Whats next? John Wilkes Booth didn't shoot Abe Lincoln?
Aug 24, 2006 11:52 am MAYBE -
I'm surprised the Republicans haven't tried to include in their redistricting...
Aug 24, 2006 11:42 am MAYBE -
I also think the bottoms should be a planet.
Aug 24, 2006 11:37 am MAYBE -
Who cares? Why not just let Maurice Clarrett blast it to smithereens with an AK47 and be done with it!
Aug 24, 2006 11:32 am YES -
The question is Is Goofy a dog?
Aug 24, 2006 11:31 am MAYBE -
This is a hot issue? I'd say it's a very, very cold one and most of us don't really care. That is not to say we are not interested in increased knowledge of the universe. I'm just more interested in what the whole universe is expanding into. Is it just more space or what? Maybe it's heaven or hell!
Aug 24, 2006 11:30 am YES -
Yes, the same way a fertilized egg is a human being. MW
Aug 24, 2006 11:19 am MAYBE -
Who cares? Star-gazing is a waste of time and tax payer money.
August 22, 2006
It's like Nature is really mad about something
Psycho Killer Raccoons Terrorize Olympia
OLYMPIA, Washington (AP) -- A fierce group of raccoons has killed 10 cats, attacked a small dog and bitten at least one pet owner who had to get rabies shots, residents of Olympia say.Some have taken to carrying pepper spray to ward off the masked marauders and the woman who was bitten now carries an iron pipe when she goes outside at night.
''It's a new breed,'' said Tamara Keeton, who with Kari Hall started a raccoon watch after an emotional neighborhood meeting drew 40 people. ''They're urban raccoons, and they're not afraid.''
Tony Benjamins, whose family lost two cats, said he got a big dog -- a German Shepherd-Rottweiler mix -- to keep the raccoons away.One goal of the patrol is to get residents to stop feeding raccoons and to keep pets and pet food indoors.
Lisann Rolle said she began carrying an iron pipe when she goes outside at night after being bitten by raccoons when she tried to pull three of them off her cat Lucy. She obtained rabies shots afterward as a precaution.
''I was watching her like a hawk, but she snuck out,'' Rolle said. ''Then I heard this hideous sound -- a coyote-type high pitch ... It was vicious. They were focused on ripping her apart.''
The attacks have been especially shocking because raccoons came within five feet (1 1/2 meters) of cats without any problem in previous years, Benjamins said.
''We used to love the raccoons. They'd have their babies this time of year, and they were so cute. Even though we lived in the city, it was neat to have wildlife around,'' he said, ''but this year, things changed. They went nuts.''
In one case five raccoons tried to carry off a small dog, which managed to survive.
The attacks, all within a three-block area near the Garfield Nature Trail in Olympia, are highly unusual, said Sean O. Carrell, a problem wildlife coordinator with the state Department of Fish and Wildlife, adding that trappers may be summoned from the U.S. Department of Agriculture to remove problem animals.
''I've never heard a report of 10 cats being killed. It's something were going to have to monitor,'' Carrell said.
Meanwhile, residents have hired Tom Brown, a nuisance wildlife control operator from Rochester, Washington, to set traps, but in six weeks he has caught only one raccoon. He and Carrell said raccoons teach their young -- and each other -- to avoid traps.
Brown said he had seen packs of raccoons this big but none so into killing.
''They are in command up there,'' he said.
good fences make good fence soup
Further on down the road. I am told that these are giant Norweigian sheep. Apparently they hibernate during the summer and sometimes attack if awakened suddenly. Nature can be cruel.
August 21, 2006
soybeans
Took a walk down the road, saw soybeans, attempted conversation with soybeans (disappointing results). They certainly look RoundUp Ready, don't they? Not a weed in sight. You'll be eating this poisoned crap in your PowerBars next year.
Pretty sky, isn't it?
August 18, 2006
you're in trouble now
Confidential to AOL Search user 7525472, who on May 1, 2006 asked "what do cats see" (a query that landed him, her or it at www.word-detective.com):
The answer is, of course, everything.
(click photo for larger version)
August 17, 2006
Was the plot feasible?
Mass murder in the skies: was the plot feasible? | The Register
...We've given extraordinary credit to a collection of jihadist wannabes with an exceptionally poor grasp of the mechanics of attacking a plane, whose only hope of success would have been a pure accident. They would have had to succeed in spite of their own ignorance and incompetence, and in spite of being under police surveillance for a year.But the Hollywood myth of binary liquid explosives now moves governments and drives public policy. We have reacted to a movie plot. Liquids are now banned in aircraft cabins (while crystalline white powders would be banned instead, if anyone in charge were serious about security). Nearly everything must now go into the hold, where adequate amounts of explosives can easily be detonated from the cabin with cell phones, which are generally not banned.
The al-Qaeda franchise will pour forth its bowl of pestilence and death. We know this because we've watched it countless times on TV and in the movies, just as our officials have done. Based on their behavior, it's reasonable to suspect that everything John Reid and Michael Chertoff know about counterterrorism, they learned watching the likes of Bruce Willis, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Vin Diesel, and The Rock (whose palpable homoerotic appeal it would be discourteous to emphasize).
It's a pity that our security rests in the hands of government officials who understand as little about terrorism as the Florida clowns who needed their informant to suggest attack scenarios, as the 21/7 London bombers who injured no one, as lunatic "shoe bomber" Richard Reid, as the Forest Gate nerve gas attackers who had no nerve gas, as the British nitwits who tried to acquire "red mercury," and as the recent binary liquid bomb attackers who had no binary liquid bombs.
For some real terror, picture twenty guys who understand op-sec, who are patient, realistic, clever, and willing to die, and who know what can be accomplished with a modest stash of dimethylmercury.
You won't hear about those fellows until it's too late. Our official protectors and deciders trumpet the fools they catch because they haven't got a handle on the people we should really be afraid of. They make policy based on foibles and follies, and Hollywood plots.
Meanwhile, the real thing draws ever closer.
August 13, 2006
excellent
The brutal, sleepless heat stirs me toward an anecdote, and although I've yet to figure out an underlying point to this ...
Great story, great moral. (Language a little raw, for you delicate flowers out there.)
August 11, 2006
death ray with flowdies
The antenna for our wireless internet service. The Morning Glories don't seem to impede the signal.
August 10, 2006
time-wastage
Made a little poster at this site. Click photo for larger version.
August 9, 2006
res ipsa loquitur
Beats me. I found this photo online a few years ago.
I think it has something to do with the annual Sweet Corn Festival.
August 8, 2006
cool
As a former New Yorker (and former NY Daily News columnist), I really like this series. Very well done.
August 7, 2006
Land of the somewhat free, home of the hopelessly dim
Half of U.S. Still Believes Iraq Had WMD
By CHARLES J. HANLEY
The Associated Press
Monday, August 7, 2006; 6:24 AM
-- Do you believe in Iraqi "WMD"? Did Saddam Hussein's government have weapons of mass destruction in 2003?
Half of America apparently still thinks so, a new poll finds, and experts see a raft of reasons why: a drumbeat of voices from talk radio to die-hard bloggers to the Oval Office, a surprise headline here or there, a rallying around a partisan flag, and a growing need for people, in their own minds, to justify the war in Iraq.
People tend to become "independent of reality" in these circumstances, says opinion analyst Steven Kull.
The reality in this case is that after a 16-month, $900-million-plus investigation, the U.S. weapons hunters known as the Iraq Survey Group declared that Iraq had dismantled its chemical, biological and nuclear arms programs in 1991 under U.N. oversight. That finding in 2004 reaffirmed the work of U.N. inspectors who in 2002-03 found no trace of banned arsenals in Iraq.
Despite this, a Harris Poll released July 21 found that a full 50 percent of U.S. respondents _ up from 36 percent last year _ said they believe Iraq did have the forbidden arms when U.S. troops invaded in March 2003, an attack whose stated purpose was elimination of supposed WMD. Other polls also have found an enduring American faith in the WMD story.
"I'm flabbergasted," said Michael Massing, a media critic whose writings dissected the largely unquestioning U.S. news reporting on the Bush administration's shaky WMD claims in 2002-03.
"This finding just has to cause despair among those of us who hope for an informed public able to draw reasonable conclusions based on evidence," Massing said.
August 5, 2006
it's not the heat, it's the technology
The worst part of the current heat wave, from a getting-work-done angle, anyway, has been the fact that as soon as the ol' thermometer on the barn tops 90 F., the wireless relay gizmo on the water tower a few miles away faints dead away and we lose internet access. This has happened every single day this week. The little doo-dad usually recovers by nightfall; unfortunately, by then I'm in a mood so foul that the cats hide under the furniture, and I'm in no mood to write.
This all reminded me of something I wrote back in 2003, a few months after we installed this system. The part about Windows XP has, fortunately, since been rendered moot, and the reliability of the hook-up has improved considerably, but I think the following still captures how this week has gone:
I've just spent the weekend trying without success to get my wireless internet connection to work properly. Out here in the boonies, where Time-Warner refuses to venture ("Too many squirrels" seems to be the latest excuse), we are poster children for the abject failure to develop rural net access. No cable, no DSL, satellite way too expensive (especially considering that the satellite TV thingy we have doesn't work when it rains), and, thanks to the tin-can-and-string Verizon phone lines, modem access tops out at 24 Kb/s, the speed I had in NYC in 1995.Fortunately, a local ISP has set up a wireless system that beams the net to folks like us from the top of the water tower in town a few miles away. (I'm sure that sounds charmingly rustic to those of you living in civilized places with libraries and bookstores and delicatessens, but, take it from me, water tower in town a few miles away may be one of the most depressing phrases in the English language.)
When this system works it is a thing of beauty, pretty much equivalent to DSL. But it tends to have problems if anything pops up between Word Detective World Headquarters and the water tower in town a few miles away, including, but not limited to, birds, trees, birds sitting in trees, clouds, rain, snow, fog, sleet, hail, heat, cold, plagues of locusts, wind, lack of wind, Windows XP, unusually tall cows, bright sunlight and/or any day ending in "y." If you've always longed to see a man reboot his computer nine times in the space of a single hour, feel free to swing by any old time. Please bring a gun.
But, as I said, when it works it is brilliant, and I am deeply indebted to Stewart, the guy who runs the company, for almost dying of heatstroke last July while installing the cabling in our wasp-infested, 120-degree-plus attic. And Les, who held the ladder for Stuart. Les is also the barber (quite good) I go to when my hair starts drifting towards that Cousin It look. You know you're living in a small town when your barber shows up to install your internet hookup.
August 4, 2006
they told me to get lost, so I moved here
Lovely Millersport, on the shores of scenic Buckeye Lake.
A hardware store, Post Office, and a gas station (owned, ultimately, by Hugo Chavez, though I'm not sure anyone around here realizes that). Oh yeah, and a bank run by innumerates. We don't need no steenking library, we got us a football team.
August 3, 2006
someone needs to explain this
thou shalt not snicker
Symantec labels vicars' software as spyware
The Church of England's publishing arm has advised clergy to ignore Symantec threat warnings, after its Norton Antivirus product wrongly identified church software as spyware.Many Church of England vicars use a software tool called Visual Liturgy to plan, create and deliver church services. Four weeks ago, on Saturday, 8 July, Symantec issued a new virus definition which has had "a significant detrimental effect on Visual Liturgy," according to Church House Publishing (CHP), the publishing arm of the Church of England.
Norton's auto-update wrongly identified a file integral to Visual Liturgy as Sniperspy, a piece of spyware. After receiving the update, users were prompted to accept the Sniperspy threat warning and delete the file, called vlutils.dll. This rendered Visual Liturgy useless.
"Up to 4,500 churches with approximately half a million churchgoers have been badly affected by this," said David Green, outgoing new media manager for CHP. "Usually it takes a lot to get a clergyman upset, but we have had a fair few on the phone. There's been no talk of smiting yet, but we'll wait and see," Green added.
And, of course, Symantec's crack Customer Service is on the case:
According to CHP, Symantec has compounded its sin by not responding to repeated requests to put the situation right."We spoke to Symantec on Monday morning, and were told to fill in an online false positive form. We were told Symantec would respond within four weeks. From our point of view, this was not good enough," said Green.
Green and CHP staff contacted Symantec in London, Dublin and the US, trying to get them to action the complaint quickly, and asking for escalation at each point. They contacted Dublin in the morning and the US in the afternoon, every day for a week.
"We were told we needed to speak to the Security Response Team, but apparently the Security Response Team doesn't take phone calls," said Green.
Dude. It's a sign.
insert Kool-Aid joke here
The Insider: Microsoft rolls out Windows Vista, the soft drink
You won't find Windows Vista in stores this year -- but on the Microsoft campus, it's already in the refrigerators.
Special-edition cans of Talking Rain sparkling water, sporting the logo for the upcoming operating system, have been stocked among the other free sodas available to the company's employees. It's a promotion for the preliminary version of the program, pointing employees to an internal Windows Vista site.
Presumably, the actual operating system won't be available in lemon-lime.
August 1, 2006
duh
We here at Word Detective World Headquarters have been getting a fair number of reader questions recently about computer ailments, which is odd. I answer them when I can, but my expertise in getting mail merge to work, for example, has always been open to debate.
It finally dawned on me this morning that these odd questions are due to the fact that some of our readers are not very good readers, and have have jumped to the conclusion that the "Word" in "Word Detective" refers to Microsoft Word, and, consequently, that my mission in life is to diagnose and solve their MS Word problems.
Personally, I use Open Office, so y'all are on your own.
oh look, the cat is melting
Heat index is now 105 F. Lousy little window air-conditioner almost useless.
We are beset by nature. I saw the largest coyote I've ever seen running out of the cornfield across the road the other day, apparently part of the pack we often hear howling at night. The neighbors' beagle is missing, along with all the rabbits we usually see, and every time we go for a walk down the road in the evening there's another dismembered critter in our path.
Why, oh why, Ohio?
The New Yorker: Holy Toledo
by Frances Fitzgerald
Pastor Rod Parsley stood on a flag-bedecked dais on the steps of Ohio’s Statehouse last October and, amid cheers from the crowd below, proclaimed the launch of “the largest evangelical campaign ever attempted in any state in America.” A nationally known televangelist and the leader of a twelve-thousand-member church on the outskirts of Columbus, Parsley had gathered a thousand people for the event, and attracted bystanders with a multimedia performance involving a video on a Jumbotron and music by Christian singers and rappers broadcast so loud that it reverberated off the tall buildings south of the Statehouse. TV crews from Parsley’s ministry taped the event. “Sound an alarm!” he boomed. “A Holy Ghost invasion is taking place. Man your battle stations, ready your weapons, lock and load!” In the course of the performance, Parsley promised that during the next four years his campaign, Reformation Ohio, would bring a hundred thousand Ohioans to Christ, register four hundred thousand new voters, serve the disadvantaged, and guide the state through “a culture-shaking revolutionary revival.”
But wait, it gets better:
GOP Pastor Demands Stricklands "Prove" They're Not Gay
More on the cast of creeps: